Lesson from a Chihuahua May 2, 2009

So there I was.  Driving through Downtown McKinney after work on Friday, I saw a little chihuahua run across Virginia Parkway and I almost hit it.  If you know me at all, you know that I am a SUCKER for all animals, especially a cute little tiny little chihuahua.  I looked around for any sign of an owner standing by, and saw nothing.  Of course, I assumed that this poor little puppy must be lost and I MUST SAVE IT!! ( I have been wrong about this before, like the time that I circled back around to “pick up” a lost doggie with no collar or tags, and actually got OUT of my car, just in time to see the owner come running out of the house the dog was sitting in front of and give me a NASTY MEAN look.  Maybe they thought i was dognapping.  I thought I was helping.)  Anyways, back to the chihuahua.  So I pulled over, got out of my car, and took off down the sidewalk after the little sweet tiny puppy.  It took me about a block to catch up with him (I am assuming it was a “him” because I caught a glimpse of his blue collar and bone-shaped tag right before I almost hit it with my car…) and when I did, I began the standard, annoying, high-pitched calling “here boy, come here puppy…” etc.  I was half expecting an angry owner to open the front door of any of the houses I passed, calling out for me to leave little Chuy alone (I am assuming his name was Chuy, because if I had a chihuahua, I would name him Chuy…), but no one appeared.  (By the way, I neglected to mention that I was on the phone with Brandon this entire time, and he is repeating calmly over and over again “Catherine, get back in your car, leave the dog alone…”).  So there I was,  multitasking to my maximum capacity, switching back and forth between my high pitched voice (that I am convinced is going to get Chuy to come running up so I can read his tag and call his owner) and my stern “adult” voice telling Brandon that what I am doing is COMPLETELY safe, normal, and expected (that I am convinced is going to get Brandon to agree with me and start calling for him also)… while I am concentrating on keeping my eye on the dog (hey, it was getting dark at this point and he was so little it was getting harder to see him) AND looking around for the potential threat of an angry puppy owner.  So then all of a sudden, my coaxing is working SO POORLY that poor Chuy tried to commit suicide, just to get me to stop following him.  He darted into the street just as the ONLY CAR THAT HAS PASSED IN TWENTY MINUTES was coming down the road.  So I jumped into the street and shouted “STOP!!” just in time for the car to slow down.  I was motioning down towards Chuy, who had completely stopped in the middle of the street to watch my antics (mind you, Brandon is still on the phone).  So then I rushed over to little Chuy, and right before I bent over to try to pick him up and carry him to the safety of my car (where I can call his owner and keep him safe and protected), that little mutt attacked me.  Right in the middle of the street.  He went straight for my ankle and produced the LOUDEST, MEANEST, SCARIEST noises I have ever heard.  So of course I started squealing, and moving my foot out of the way (trying as hard as I can to not step on, and thereby CRUSH this annoying little rat of a dog)… and while I stood in the middle of the street trying to process what had just transpired, it hit me (AFTER Brandon convinced me to get back in my car and drive away by scaring me about who the owner might be and what their intentions with me might be after “rendezvousing” to get the dog back…) that I CAN’T HELP ANYONE UNLESS THEY WANT TO BE HELPED.  AHHHAAA a moment of clarity.  I stepped onto the sidewalk, as I watched Chuy mosey on down the street, stopping to smell flowers and chew on blades of grass.  He was content doing exactly what he was doing at that moment.  And my promise of safety and security was NOT APPEALING TO HIM at that moment. 

Lately I feel like I have been spending a LOT of time and energy trying to “help” people that don’t want me to help them.  They have also attacked me right as I felt I was SECONDS away from having a breakthrough.  WOW.  Who would have thought that Chuy would have taught me so much in our short time together?  I reluctantly had to leave him trotting down the road, not knowing where he was going next, or if he would  be OK, but RESPECTING his decision to NOT let me help him.  I felt like I knew better than he did, and that HE NEEDED MY HELP.  I watched him run, like a fool, into the middle of the street and almost get himself killed.  I felt like if I hadn’t been there to intervene in THAT moment, he really might have gotten hit.  But then again, he probably wouldn’t have run into the street in the first place if I hadn’t driven him to do that.  So perhaps he WILL be better off finding his own way home.  He probably DIDN’T need my help in the first place.  Sure, he might get into a scuffle, or might spend a couple of nights outside in the elements.  But maybe he has to experience that to appreciate having a warm bed and a bowl of food at home again.  I watch my friends make some stupid decisions, and continue in self-destructive behavior.  I think I have all the answers, but I don’t.  The bottom line is, that little chihuahua taught me what my dad and Brandon have been trying to teach me for YEARS:  You can’t help someone who doesn’t WANT to be helped.  So, in the meantime, I will just pray that they decide they want my help instead. 

On Aging (Gracefully) February 26, 2009

In one short week, I will be… DUM DUM DUM… 25.  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t…apprehensive… about it.  I mean, I haven’t met all the goals I set for myself in 8th grade yet:

By 25, I want to:
-Make a million dollars (at least)
-Be married to Leonardo DiCaprio
-Be retired and live on a tropical island
-Have 2.5 kids

In fact, I haven’t met ANY of the goals on the above list.  It’s funny how priorities change, and life happens.  Looking back on the past 25 years, I have realized how ABSOLUTELY BLESSED I am!  I have a wonderful man, a supportive and loving family, amazing friends, oh AND a job during a recession! 

On my 25th birthday,  I already know I won’t FEEL any older.  I can bet I won’t ACT any older.  In fact, I bet that I won’t FEEL or ACT older in the NEXT 25 years (except I will obviously accept new responsibilities…eagerly!)  I have taken decent care of  myself, tried to avoid the sun, smoking, and other things that PHYSICALLY age me.  As far as MENTAL aging goes, I have come to the conclusion that the secret to aging gracefully, is doing it slowly.  I fully plan on taking my time!

On Saying Goodbye October 1, 2008

Saying Goodbye to Water Mask

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. I had to say goodbye to my old car today, the car that I went with my dad to order, and the car that literally carried me through the past 8 years. 8 years is exactly one third of my life. I put her through so much, and she took it all in stride. except for the couple of times that she fishtailed during the rain. But my car was a trooper, and a survivor, and now i am feeling an immense sense of loss. REALLY? OVER A DANG CAR? but seriously, every road trip, every adventure, every DAY, that car was a part of it. The worst (and best) part of it is that it wasn’t like she DIED, it wasn’t like it was TOTALED and my only option was to walk away. I took her in, and TRADED HER OUT for a different car. I kind of feel like I betrayed the car. I mean, it probably would have run for another 100,000 miles with a little more TLC. And regular oil changes. And regular car washes. And probably about twice the amount of repair work than what I got out of her. SO I MADE A GOOD DECISION. But that doesnt mean I cant still feel a little bit sad, right?

To me, this is more of a SYMBOLIC gesture of beginning another phase in my life. I am ready to grow up, to take on car payments for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, ready to take responsibility. And ready to get a car with FOUR DOORS! So, here I am, opening a new chapter in my life. I will call it “Volvo”.

“Autumn” Vs “Fall” September 22, 2008

I tend to associate Autumn with a feeling, while I associate Fall with a season. I wonder why that is. Perhaps my mother’s long, descriptive, dramatic stories of “autumn” days in Atlanta made me feel like the word “autumn” was something that encompassed something truly special, something reverent, something beautiful, something that goes beyond just the title of the season. Of course, in school, they always referred to the season as “Fall”. Maybe because it was just easier for all of us to spell? I can’t be sure about that, since I never asked the teachers. But it was pretty standard, if there was a question on a test that said: What season comes after Summer and before Winter?, I was the ONLY one that wrote Autumn. And it didnt last long. When the teachers implemented the “buddy check” system, my answer was always marked with a big GIANT “X” and it was just simply too much of a hastle to try and “educate” the grader that Autumn and Fall were synonymous. I decided to save the usage of that word for my very own dramatic, long, descriptive stories. And for some reason, “Fall” always leans itself to be used as a pun, and I like those. HAPPY FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN!

Dental Cravings September 10, 2008

So i went to the dentist this morning.  running late as usual, mainly because i forgot that i had the appointment and was driving to work instead of the dentist.  by the time i got there, i had planned my speech of apologies for 1. being late and 2. eating a profuse amount of garlic last night.  the hygienist (who by the way is so incredibly nice and looks like Ginger from Trademark Properties) laughed and said “thats what the mask is for”.  so down i sat.  well apparently it had been over a year since the last time i was at the dentist, and i was supposed to follow up on a few things: 1. a nightguard 2. periodontist appointment because my gums are receding on my canines 3. a 6 month appointment.  well i had dropped the ball on every single one of them.  whoops!  after 30 minutes of scraping my teeth clean (by the way i am taking a BC powder right now since i can already feel my gums throbbing), she asks me what FLAVOR of tooth polish i want.  my choices are: mint, something, something, bubble gum (fyi i HATE bubble gum flavored ANYTHING, including bubble gum), or cookie dough.  well if you know me at all, you KNOW what i said, and you know HOW i said it.  like a 3 year old who was told that she could eat the entire tray of cookies BEFORE dinner.  so i am thoroughly enjoying the polishing portion of the appointment, even to the point of licking my lips because the polish really does taste like cookie dough.  and then she asks what flavor of flouride i want.  she lists off four: mint, raspberry, bubble gum, or banana split.  aww sad i was hoping for more cookie dough.  well raspberry would have to do.  and it was delicious too.  so here i sit, with the sad realization that i am now unable to eat or drink for 30 minutes.  it is 10:30 and i didnt have breakfast.  and i was tortured with cookie dough AND raspberry flavored INEDIBLES.  THE TORTURE.  that must have been my payback.  on a side note, i am proud to announce that i have lived 24 years cavity-free

Politicitis September 8, 2008

Well i am going to make this short.  i have been greatly frustrated lately with all of the “blind followings” of the democratic nominee.  i have a sinking feeling that half of the US and most of the civilized world only sees him for one thing:  different than our current commander-in-chief.  and while that might be enough to make heads turn and change the world’s view of the US, it is not enough for me to cast my vote with a man who can not give a clear answer as to what the “change” he keeps referring to is.  he has not accomplished ANYTHING in washington, to date, other than get himself the democratic nomination.  i fear that many people are jumping on his bandwagon because: a. he is black (cough cough to the major celebrities that support him) OR b. “he will show the world that the US is different now”  and both are absurd.  i wish people would educate themselves on his voting record, his policy plans (aka raise taxes and CUT MILITARY SALARIES…something near and dear to my own heart), and his accomplishments, or lack thereof, in the way of any sort of reform. if he wants change so badly, why hasnt he DONE something about it?

Things I Like September 8, 2008

I like long walks on the beach, getting caught in the rain… ha, well sorta

I like searching and researching things on the internet, and saving my findings in little folders under the “Cat” folder on my desktop, I like “noticing” things at stores and waiting for them to go on sale, I like Bubble Tea (a relatively new addiction), I like when the weather starts to turn cooler… and it jogs my memory of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years… which quickly jogs my memory of Valentine’s Day and my birthday!, I like switching over clothes to the “fall/winter” season, I like getting organized and wondering how long i can keep it that way, I like random texts from that certain someone, I like getting letters in the mail, I like airports and hotels, I like finding that I dont have anything to do at work so I have time to “blog” (it will still be in quotes until i wake up one morning and am comfortable with the idea that i HAVE a “blog” and that “blogging” is something i do on a regular basis) I like driving in the car with the windows down, I like driving in the car with the music up, I like driving in the car with the windows down and the music up, I like driving in the car to unknown destinations… which leads me to my next topic.  things i dont like.  I do not like driving to the gas station to fill up my tank… because I do not like paying for the gas.

Monkey See, Monkey Do September 5, 2008

Well, I have finally caved in to this fascinating world of “blogging” and have truly joined the ranks of my Monkey, Brandon .  haha.  I figured that today was as good as any other day to begin this new chapter of my life, since, after all, i did see my very first Buzzard today.  How exciting!

It is there under the tree

I stumbled upon this little darlin as it was devouring a poor little bunny on the side of the road.  i must tell you, i realize that you can not truly tell the size of this creature from the photo, but trust me when i say that it must have been as large as a male turkey.  i say “must have been” because i dont actually know how large a male turkey is.  and judging from turkey shopping with momma on the day before Thanksgiving, they come in tons of sizes.  unless we only eat the women turkeys.  well anyways it was huge, and it was hopping around, and it looked like a prehistoric creature.  i sure wouldnt want one of those things waking me up from a nap.